strike three.

Why does it seem that everybody's mad at me when in fact I'm the one who helps them, I'm the one who's concerned, and I'm the one who's just asking for the sake of others, and not for MYSELF?

What the hell is wrong with the people I'm with anyway?

For instance, I asked my friend in a nice way about something, and then she would answer me in a really angry way.

and I asked that question not for myself, but for OUR friend.

and I just asked ONCE. At that moment. and nothing else.

Let's just say that she's the one that's been consistent.

Like I said, strike three.

at first, I just let it pass...trying not to think about it, but, when I think about it, the only thing that I did was that I just asked in a nice way--for A FRIEND.

I did not do anything to annoy her or anything AT ALL for her to snap at me like that.

I DO NOT DESERVE THIS.

Really. She doesn't have the right to shout at me like that.

Nobody shouts at me. NOBODY.

and she did it to me THRICE. THRICE!

What the hell is wrong with her?

Is that her true color?

Haa..I don't know.

I know it may sound that I'm too sensitive, but it hurt me because I wasn't even doing anything.

and yes, I WAS HUMILIATED IN FRONT OF OUR OTHER FRIENDS, AND OTHER PEOPLE.

What she did was so..so..RUDE. So..UNETHICAL.

One thing that I'm sure of though, is that I really, REALLY did not do anything.

Oh, I swear. No more Ms. Nice Isah.

Let's see what'll happen if I gave them the silent treatment tomorrow.

This is the last draw.

Filed under go to hell (just pray that you're not here.) | mata ashita!

today we met up with the photographer that we invited for our Digital imaging class.

hmm...

let's just say that it was a bit embarrassing.

You see, when Bru and I arrived at Bo's coffee, the photographer greeted us in a nice way.

So what's the problem with that? Nothing. It's just that...

The embarrassing part about is, when he saw me sit down, he greeted me this way, "Hmm..the Adventures of Alice in Wonderland..ayos yan."

now, what he said didn't register immediately but after a few minutes I realized that he was referring to the book that I borrowed in the library.

Oh. my. god.

he probably thinks that I'm childlike. Well, actually I am. But, coming from him--it doesn't seem right.

Somehow, I got over his greeting..but while we were waiting for the others to come back because they already ordered their meals, Erin and I was left alone with him. So, to make the atmosphere not so awkward, Erin and I started to talk about the things that we had to pass in radio prod.

And then..this photographer was intently listening to our conversation. He even asked me, what was the commercial I produced, what was my product. Specifically the brand.

Oh no.

Anyway, my product is candy and its brand name is Wonderland candy. If I told him that, I bet he could put two and two together. Bottomline, he would probably think this way.

Alice in Wonderland book + Wonderland candy radio commercial + girl with starfish clip and teddy bear hair tie = CHILD.

Oh no.

So, what I did..to somehow save myself, I lied. I told him that I forgot my brand name, but I told him that it was candy.

Now really, I can not understand why I had to act strangely in front of this--okay, somehow cute photographer.

Maybe because, a.) he's cute or b.) he reminds me of you-know-who or c.) I get really shy whenever I speak to cute guys.

Gaah...

I don't really know.

I don't even know if this is my weakness or something.

Damn. I hate myself for being so.

***

I sort of feel a bit pressured to have a successful image (not that I don't want it)

it's just that my family is a family of achievers.

and I feel a bit pressured to at least be in their level.

Ok, why am I a bit pressured?

maybe because..I want to be good enough. Or--I want to be better than them.

Or maybe because most of them are expecting the same level of achievements from me.

crap.

How am I going to be in the same level with my family if:

- I have a dad who's working in media

- I have cousins whom you read about in magazines/newspapers

-I have aunts who are publicized in the newspapers

- I have a cousin who's a pre-med scholar in Harvard University.

Filed under random-ness (everything random under the sun) | mata ashita!

I rarely like OPM songs. But somehow, this song...says it all? haha. I don't know. Maybe.

But, yeah. I like it.

Migraine by Moonstar88

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapa-sayo
Hindi sinasadya
Na hanapin pa ang lugar ko
Asan nga ba ako? Andiyan pa ba sa iyo?

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?

Nasusuka ako, kinakain na ang loob
Masakit na mga tuhod, kailangan bang lumuhod?
Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo
Hindi po ang sagot, hindi rin isang tanong

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?

Dahil, di na makatulog (makatulog)
Dahil di na makakain (makakain)
Dahil di na makatawa (makatawa)
Dahil, di na

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito na lang ako

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo... Nahihilo...
Nalilito...

mata ashita!

it is a fact that parents would never understand their children.

Parents have this "superiority complex" because most of the time, they HEAR you but they don't actually LISTEN.

and yet, I don't even know why I still bother explaining things or wasting my breath when I know things would end up far-fetched anyway.

Hmm...probably because I still want them to at least LISTEN to what I have to say. But then, I know that it would never happen anyway.

Filed under random-ness (everything random under the sun) | mata ashita!

Today was a very unproductive day. I arrived in school on time but my professor in my first class didn't show up so..we did nothing for three hours. So, the whole time of our first class (7:30-10:30) was spent in taking pictures of ourselves, since we were bored to death.

Then, the topic was something about my classmates' lovelife (which honestly, I'm so sick of because it's like the same thing all over AGAIN) So, they were talking about that topic again and then Tet came up with classifying us into two groups: those who have a lovelife and those who don't.

I contradicted her and told her that we're classified into three groups and not two: those who have a lovelife, those who don't have a lovelife, and me whose priority isn't her lovelife.

Upon hearing this, Tet retorted "Eh kasi naman Isah, never ka pa kasi nagkakaboyfriend."

Ok, that was frank, insulting and rude. I find her statement a bit judgemental.

I was too lazy to answer back so I just kept quiet. Although, I really wanted to say this:

"Eh kasi naman, hindi ako katulad ng iba diyan na nagmumukmok na lang sa isang tabi at parang di na kayang mabuhay pa kapag wala silang lalake sa buhay nila."

Really, I find it SHALLOW.

There are things way important than your lovelife. Plus, I believe that it's gonna happen if it's supposed to happen. I don't really see the point of rushing. The right person would come at the right time anyway.

Puh-lease. I really find it as a desperate measure. Pathetic even. Maybe.

Anyway, supposedly our next class was 10:30-12 but my prof in Marketing gave us a free cut, so there won't be any class for that day.

In short, I went to school for nothing.

Well, there's still something. We have our medical check-up in the clinic at 1pm.

So, since the check-up will still be at 1pm, we decided to spend the rest of the remaining hours in Tiendesitas..and then we went to Eastwood, then got back in time for the check-up and then we went to Robinson's Metro East before going home.

hmm...

In Eastwood, Joy was telling us that she's a loser because unlike her friends in highschool, she's not able to party all night in clubs, bars, and drink like crazy.

I wanted to know if that was what you call what others perceive to be MATURITY.

I think it's the other way around. I find it childish. Not taking life seriously. Going with whatever society dictates. Being afraid to be different.

With her statement, I cannot help but think about what Sir Luis once told us that he hated the word "loser" because "nobody deserves to be called a loser."

Well, he's right. really.

I simply don't get why people have to do things that society dictates. Haven't they realized that there's something wrong about the society? Why do some people have to folow some  "fad" or pretend what they're not, just so they won't get labeled as a loser?

Why can't they just be themselves and be open to the fact that each person is unique?

In the first place, the person itself is the one who labels himself as a loser. But, why on earth would you do that? When will people learn to believe in themselves?

What, if you don't smoke, go to bars and party like hell..then you're a LOSER?!

Come on.

That's just too SHALLOW.

and let me just say that that's one hell of a bunch of CRAP.

Really, people should know that going with what society dictates, won't lead them to finding themselves, to finding their bliss.

How come some people try too hard to fit in? Why do they have to fit in anyway? Isn't it just a matter of insecurity?

I believe that sometimes, a majority simply means that all the fools are on the same side.

Man, am I glad that I am not one of those people. I sure am glad that I'm part of the minority.

Filed under random-ness (everything random under the sun) | mata ashita!

For our 3-hour break, my blockmates decided to go to Eastwood to have lunch and review for our Philo quiz. I, on the other hand was having second thoughts because I wanted to finish my homework in Radio Prod and spend as little as possible since I'm saving up for two tickets for Sis and I in the next ADMU-DLSU game.

But anyway, I went along. I didn't want to be alone in school for the next 3 hours anyway.

We were in the cab when Erin (she got back from Korea by the way) made a random comment about my hair having tied it in a ponytail, and was saying that the ponytail is okay, HOWEVER the starfish clip is not working.

and this is what fired me up. Man was I fired up.

Erin: Isah..

Isah: What?

Erin: okay na yung ponytail mo kaso tanggalin mo na to' (points at the starfish clip)

Isah: (looks at Erin in an annoyed way) Ayoko nga.

then, Tet butts in the conversation.

Tet: Oo nga, tapos yung ponytail mo pa teddy bear. Ang childish.

(I swear hearing the C-word really ticked me off)

Isah: Ok. Alam niyo ha, first..sa lahat ng ayaw ko AYOKO ng PINAPAKIALAMAN ako. Second, kapag pinakialaman niyo pa ako, magpapababa na lang ako diyan.

Joy: Oy, ang taray!

Tet: Sige Isah, di ka na namin pakikialaman, pero di ka makakakuha ng tsismis sa amin.

Isah: Excuse me, I AM NOT a Gossip-monger. I DO NOT spread rumors.

Tet: Sige ka, kapag nagkita kami ni Ven, di kita isasama.

Isah: oh so? Edi wag mo ko isama.

Tet: Putek, pag nagkita kami ni Ven at hinanap ka, sasabihin ko "Pare, yung kaibigan mo kasi inaaway ako"

Isah: Hmph.

(I think they got the clue that I was really, really ticked off. And so..)

Tet: Huwag na natin pakialaman si Isah, mahirap kaaway yan.

(silence)

Ok, let me clarify things once and for all.

First, I really REALLY get PISSED OFF when somebody interferes in my life to the POINT THAT he/she is sort of controlling me. (i.e trying to change me. Suggestions are welcome, but forcing things WON'T WORK. Let me tell you that I'm one hell of a stubborn girl. But I don't really care if I'm stubborn. It's my life, and it' my choice. When I want it, I'll do it. If the answer is a NO, then it's definitely a NO. Got it?) I get enough of that in the house, and additional interference won't really do.

Second, never EVER mention or rather relate the word CHILDISH to me. For one thing, I am never CHILDISH. I may look CHILDLIKE, but CHILDISH is definitely something else. There's a HUGE difference. I do NOT think in a CHILDISH way, nor do I act like one.

Third, why must everything be based from its APPEARANCE? I mean, come on..what THE HELL is wrong if I'm the kind of person who likes teddy bears, starfish clips, and other cute things? Just because my preferences are different, doesn't mean it's WEIRD, CHILDISH, or UNUSUAL. To each her OWN. I do NOT want to be like everybody else. I want to make a difference, because I AM DIFFERENT.

Anyway, I think they finally got the idea that I was really ticked off that they sort of kept themselves away from me, once we arrived in Eastwood.

I was so mad that I wasn't talking to them the whole time, just giving out blunt anwers of "yes or no" if ever they ask me a question.

However, by lunchtime I seem to have cooled down. I was hungry so I just let the anger pass once I started eating.

***

Hmm...sometimes, I feel so isolated.

I feel that you're drifting away from me.

I have this feeling, that things changed.

It wasn't like before.

It seems that I do not know you anymore.

That sometimes, I feel so ALONE.

Filed under go to hell (just pray that you're not here.) | 1 said bye bye!

I was reading the manga of this anime and it's so funny.

and then, I saw that this anime has a TV series.

and I watched it on TV.

hahaha

I really find it funny.

I am so adding this to my Watchlist.

Filed under random-ness (everything random under the sun) | mata ashita!